of two minds

July 19, 2011

I’ve been struggling with a resentment lately. I really don’t like doctors. I don’t like medical students. I don’t like biomedical researchers or others who think, based solely on the status of their position in life,that they are smarter than me, better than me, and entitled to certain things more than me or any other person not in their class.

I admit it’s my thing – at least a lot of it is. It’s true that our medical system is set up in such a way that it’s quite easy for doctors to believe they’re better and smarter and entitled. It’s easy for them to come to believe that they’re the the ones most in charge or the most important. It’s an incredibly competitive field filled with some very large egos. That’s all true. It doesn’t in any way apply to every single doctor out there, but there’s certainly enough truth in it to create the stereotype.

Me, I have an ego too, which is a big part of why I struggle with the resentment. Trying to accept this, I decided to read a couple of books out of the Humanities in Medicine collection of the library where I work (a medical school library) so that I could hopefully get a better feeling, perhaps even some empathy, for those practicing medicine all around me. I picked out Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen and The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande. Both are well-known books by well-known writers and doctors – doctors who also happen to have reputations for being very good at being human, too. I figured they could help me.

I’ve enjoyed the books. Both Remen and Gawande are natural storytellers. They write in a way that lets someone like me, who doesn’t know much about medicine from a personal standpoint, better understand the work they do. There have been pieces that annoy me, such as the mention by Remen of the beach house that she visited during a difficult time in her years as a med student. It was a house owned by her medical school, opened to students and physicians; a place they could go to regroup when going through stressful times. As I read this bit I couldn’t help but think (hear sarcastic tone), “Oh how nice. A little place for them to get away when they’ve worked hard. I wonder if schools of social work have such a thing for their students and faculty. Or teachers. I surely don’t remember such when I was in seminary.”

See? Resentment. But these bits aside, the stories the authors tell do give me a better picture of at least their respective worlds and as I read, I realized more clearly that part about “I don’t know much about medicine from a personal standpoint” and just how much this plays into my resentment. Ignorance can make us bigoted and hateful and mean. It can also make us resentful. I think I started to put these pieces together when Gawande, a writer who offers a lot of statistics in describing and/or making an argument, mentions that the average American has 7 surgeries in his/her lifetime.

My reaction: Average. Seven. SEVEN? Really? No way!

I react this way because I am 48 years old, likely well past the half-way point of my life, and I haven’t had a single surgery yet. I’ve never broken a bone, never had a serious disease or infection, never spent the night in a hospital, never spent more than a few days in bed with anything. I’ve been fortunate in the sense of good genes, good luck, and some good work on my part to keep healthy. That said, it started to become much easier for me to see why I don’t have a clue what goes on in a hospital. I know about a doctor’s office from having a physical every so many years, but that’s about it. I’m guilty of making a whole lot of assumptions, of having a whole lot of strong opinions, and of harboring a good bit of resentment simply out of my own lack of understanding and/or appreciation for what doctors do. Maybe it really is stressful. Maybe they really are busy. Maybe I just didn’t know.

This is a good step, I think, towards helping me to stop glaring at some of the white-coated people I pass in the hallway or the med students who won’t listen to any suggestions I might offer for navigating through a particular database. I think I can let a little bit of it go. And I think in this one instance, I’ll be thankful for my ignorance. Here, it’s a sign of my good health.


My Vocation

July 16, 2011

I had my first cup of coffee this morning while I looked at a book that Lynn’s sister, Nancy, gave her for her birthday last March, Sketchbooks: The Hidden Art of Designers, Illustrators & Creatives, by Richard Brereton. I have decided that this is what I will call myself from now on. Whenever people ask, “What do you do?” I will answer not, “I’m a librarian” or “I’m an exercise physiologist” or “I’m a writer” or “I’m an artist”. Nope. From now on I’m going to say “I am a creative.” Not, “I am creative”, but “I am A creative.” Noun.

Saturday AM Drawing

With Subject


Practice Makes Perfect Permanence

July 13, 2011

Two sayings, each with truth:

  • “Practice makes perfect.”
  • “Practice makes permanent.”

The first is familiar to most. We’ve heard it often. Anyone subjected to insert musical instrument lessons knows the answer to the question, “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” Practice, practice, practice. The second, interestingly enough, I learned from a musical instrument instructor, a mandolin teacher I had once. His point – practice the wrong things, the wrong way, and you’ll end up permanently doing things wrong.

The common denominator of both sayings though, obviously, is that in order to get really good at anything (correctly or not) is to practice. A lot. Lots of people are richly talented. They come out of the womb with innate abilities to do things – draw, write, make music, understand quantum physics. We often see them perform or see the results of their talent and think to ourselves, “I could never do that.” There’s surely some truth to that saying, too. Sometimes. Talent is a gift to be thankful for and some are blessed with more of it than others. Still, I think sometimes we sell both ourselves and those talented people short in that we forget to recognize the really important role that practice plays in bringing out the full richness of one’s talent(s).

This morning, before getting out of bed, I finished Jeannette Walls’ memoir, The Glass Castle. I’ll not comment on the book here except to say it is, all at once, incredible and unbelievable, hopeful and infuriating. It’s definitely worth reading. But what I thought about as I closed the cover, got dressed, and took Zeb for his morning walk, was how Jeannette Walls became such a good writer. She had a story to tell, for sure, but she tells it well because she’s a good writer and she became a good writer by first reading and then writing. A lot.

As a child, she (as well as her parents and siblings) devoured books. She read and read and read. She describes fond memories of her family sitting together in the living room of some shack they occupied at the time, all reading together. They didn’t watch TV together – in part because they had no television, let alone any electricity to run one – but instead sat together, each in their own world of whatever story they were reading at the time. And she loved this.

As she entered high school, she started working on the school paper. She started editing and typesetting. She started writing. She wrote about everything. Hardly any other students wanted to work on the paper and so she wrote the stories of football games, class events and school board decisions. She left West Virginia as a teenager to join her older sister in New York City and soon found a job writing for a weekly paper there. She wrote and wrote and wrote, as she had read and read and read, and in doing so the talent that she discovered at 13 or so, developed and ultimately became her livelihood and her career. She is a writer.

The same story line can be traced for practically anyone who has become really good at what they do. How many millions of hours has your favorite musician practiced? What artist is ever found without a sketchbook in his or her bag? The Dean of the Graduate School of Biomedical Sciences where I work always has a nice black Moleskin notebook with him whenever I see him (I have a thing for journals and take note when I see one), as do others I know who think a lot, ask questions a lot, and try to solve problems a lot.

Scientists do a thousand experiments that go wrong before they experience the “Aha!” moment. Julia Child likely went through skeins of twine before she could tie that chicken up just right. Really good baseball players “only” hit .300 and no one’s come close to a .400 season in a long, long time now. That’s a lot of strikeouts and a lot of ground balls and a lot of pop ups in between the singles and the homeruns.

I may never write as well as Annie Dillard, play the mandolin like Chris Thile, run a marathon as fast as Joan Benoit Samuelson, or even be a library director like Jean Shipman – all people I admire for how they do what they do. But to say one will never be something without putting in the practice is much different than saying so while at the same time, showing up every day and working hard at what you enjoy and want to do.

So now I’ll head to work in the library where I’ve an article to finish, knowing that I’ve primed my writing brain by taking some time this morning for reading and writing. I’ll draw some pictures during lunch. I’ll slog through another slow, slow pace as I put in the miles training for the Chicago Marathon this fall. And then I’ll watch the recap of today’s Tour de France stage while I practice over and over that little riff Howie showed me on my mandolin. And it’ll be a good day.

Here’s hoping you have the same.