of two minds

I’ve been struggling with a resentment lately. I really don’t like doctors. I don’t like medical students. I don’t like biomedical researchers or others who think, based solely on the status of their position in life,that they are smarter than me, better than me, and entitled to certain things more than me or any other person not in their class.

I admit it’s my thing – at least a lot of it is. It’s true that our medical system is set up in such a way that it’s quite easy for doctors to believe they’re better and smarter and entitled. It’s easy for them to come to believe that they’re the the ones most in charge or the most important. It’s an incredibly competitive field filled with some very large egos. That’s all true. It doesn’t in any way apply to every single doctor out there, but there’s certainly enough truth in it to create the stereotype.

Me, I have an ego too, which is a big part of why I struggle with the resentment. Trying to accept this, I decided to read a couple of books out of the Humanities in Medicine collection of the library where I work (a medical school library) so that I could hopefully get a better feeling, perhaps even some empathy, for those practicing medicine all around me. I picked out Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen and The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande. Both are well-known books by well-known writers and doctors – doctors who also happen to have reputations for being very good at being human, too. I figured they could help me.

I’ve enjoyed the books. Both Remen and Gawande are natural storytellers. They write in a way that lets someone like me, who doesn’t know much about medicine from a personal standpoint, better understand the work they do. There have been pieces that annoy me, such as the mention by Remen of the beach house that she visited during a difficult time in her years as a med student. It was a house owned by her medical school, opened to students and physicians; a place they could go to regroup when going through stressful times. As I read this bit I couldn’t help but think (hear sarcastic tone), “Oh how nice. A little place for them to get away when they’ve worked hard. I wonder if schools of social work have such a thing for their students and faculty. Or teachers. I surely don’t remember such when I was in seminary.”

See? Resentment. But these bits aside, the stories the authors tell do give me a better picture of at least their respective worlds and as I read, I realized more clearly that part about “I don’t know much about medicine from a personal standpoint” and just how much this plays into my resentment. Ignorance can make us bigoted and hateful and mean. It can also make us resentful. I think I started to put these pieces together when Gawande, a writer who offers a lot of statistics in describing and/or making an argument, mentions that the average American has 7 surgeries in his/her lifetime.

My reaction: Average. Seven. SEVEN? Really? No way!

I react this way because I am 48 years old, likely well past the half-way point of my life, and I haven’t had a single surgery yet. I’ve never broken a bone, never had a serious disease or infection, never spent the night in a hospital, never spent more than a few days in bed with anything. I’ve been fortunate in the sense of good genes, good luck, and some good work on my part to keep healthy. That said, it started to become much easier for me to see why I don’t have a clue what goes on in a hospital. I know about a doctor’s office from having a physical every so many years, but that’s about it. I’m guilty of making a whole lot of assumptions, of having a whole lot of strong opinions, and of harboring a good bit of resentment simply out of my own lack of understanding and/or appreciation for what doctors do. Maybe it really is stressful. Maybe they really are busy. Maybe I just didn’t know.

This is a good step, I think, towards helping me to stop glaring at some of the white-coated people I pass in the hallway or the med students who won’t listen to any suggestions I might offer for navigating through a particular database. I think I can let a little bit of it go. And I think in this one instance, I’ll be thankful for my ignorance. Here, it’s a sign of my good health.

2 Responses to of two minds

  1. In my experience the majority of medical students are ok, but there’s an altogether too large minority who are very arrogant and make themselves very visible. As a first year student I sometimes wonder if it’s a minority which grows as we advance through the course.

    • salgore says:

      Thanks for the thoughts, Rhyming. It’s very true that there are plenty of great med students and plenty of great docs. I think you might be onto something in suggesting the minority grows as you go through your studies and career. I think the system you’re in fosters it. You’re treated as special, which you are, but I wish we worked/lived in a system which better valued the special nature of everyone and better appreciated how things work better when this is recognized. Good luck with your studies and don’t be swayed to the dark, arrogant side. 🙂

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